bespeak; be heard

SMILE will ya?

2011-05-18T10:04:00.000-07:00

Ron Gutman: The hidden power of smiling Video on TED.com

Who cares about hand gestures?

2011-04-25T13:06:00.000-07:00

It's almost startling how many people will relate to me as a public speaking coach by telling me about a training course they took and what it taught them about hand gestures. I'm here to tell you that unless you are moving your hands, arms, legs or body in some wildly distracting way, (incessant movement, uncomfortable looking confinement, using anything in your hands as a noise maker, weapon, or device other than its intended purpose) you can STOP thinking about gestures at all.

Don't get me wrong, I'm a big fan of gesturing, and I admire those who use their hands and bodies as intruments to help them get their message across. There are those of us, myself included, who can't speak unless we use our hands to help us. Because this is our natural way of expressing ourselves, using of hands for us is a good thing.

It is NOT such a good thing, however, when people who don't commonly use their hands in normal conversation start trying to gesture when presenting. If you are among those who have been persuaded by a well meaning presentations trainer to try this, you know how awkward and uncomfortable this feels. FAKE is the word I would use. And that is exactly where the trouble begins.

Presenters MUST be authentic, organic, real. You cannot be any of those things when you're using gestures and mannerisms that are not your own. It looks inauthentic because it is. What's more, who says you have to be a great gesturer to be a great presenter? Not I. And not your audience either.

It's not about the gestures. WHO CARES about the gestures? (aside from presentation trainers). I say, start a mutiny! Buck the system!!! Be YOU, hands idly by your side. If you're really brave try putting one hand in a (gasp) pocket. (Do take the change and keys out first, however. Your hand should be resting there, not playing all that metal like a tiny pocket tamborine.)

How does that feel? better? More natural? You betcha. Are you able to concentrate on your message and your audience? exactly. NOW we're getting to what really matters. Gesturing smesturing. Focus on your audience and your message and you'll have them eating out of your hands, gesturing or no.

Dragging George

2011-04-14T09:48:00.000-07:00

My late mother- in- law used to tell a great joke. A man comes in after a day of golf, and his wife asks, "How was golf, honey?" "Terrible." he replies. "On the third tee George dropped dead." "Oh my Lord! That's awful!" the wife exclaimed. "What did you do?" "Well," the husband sighed, "for the rest of the day it was; hit the ball, drag George, hit the ball, drag George."

Of course this joke always gets a laugh because it illustrates the obsession and single mindedness of some of the golfers among us. But I got to thinking about it a different way. What if we were giving a presentation we'd developed without our audience in mind? We'd filled it to the brim with all of our insider jargon words and acronyms. We described the inner workings of our doodads and thingamabobs in intricate detail. We were sure to include every factoid we could find about our beloved product or service, our business, even ourselves. We lovingly clicked through our massive deck of slides, smiling and smiling and feeling all aglow, proud as punch to be reading bullet after bullet about, well, us.

Then, when the big day comes, we stand in front of our audience and we begin our presentation. Sure enough on about the 4th slide our "George" (the audience), drops dead, metaphorically speaking. Realistically speaking, they simply stop listening. Their eyes glaze over, they surf their blackberries and iphones. Throats are cleared, restrooms are visited, seats are vacated. And yet, on and on we go, hitting our presentation "ball" and dragging our audience along with us.

We know that what makes my mother in law's joke funny is that the golfer's priorities are all messed up. The focus should have been (say it with me now) GEORGE! That's right, just as our focus should be the audience, NOT ourselves, our product, our company.

The most important part of any presentation is the audience. you want them ALIVE, engaged and attentive, nodding their heads in understanding and agreement. They should be eagerly following you from "tee" (point) to tee. Never ever should they be dead weight you're dragging through your presentation. Remember George. Never forget your audience.

Could I GET any luckier???

2011-04-11T13:58:00.000-07:00

Almost five years ago now when I started bespeak, I knew I had a passion for presentations, but I had absolutely no idea how to be in business. I had always been employed by someone else. and someone pretty big. Luckily for me, my sister is a small business coach. I had help and advice, cheering on and guidance 24 /7.

My sister, Diane Helbig, lives in Cleveland, so all of this support was done long distance. We often talked about how great it would be to be able to do a day of workshops for small business owners and include my presentations/public speaking part into her everything else. Logistics so far have prevented that from happening.

Well, today, thanks to the miracle of modern technology ( and a little thing called Blog Talk Radio) I was on the "air" as my sister's guest on her bi monthly radio show; "Accelerate Your Business Growth". I think quite a few people were listening in, but I can tell you that no one had more fun than she and I.

Now that I think about it, that's often the case for the two of us where ever we are, no matter what the occasion or how many other people are there. She has been my best friend my whole life (and truth be told my only friend for the younger bossier part of it).

Now despite years and distance, we can share business thrills and fun (and, yeah, she talks me of the ledge every once in a while) and its ups and downs just like everything else we've ever experienced.

I mean, really, could I GET any luckier?

"out of pocket" huh?

2011-04-06T12:19:00.000-07:00

Is it just me, or did "out of pocket" used mean that an expense was coming out of your own pocket? How did it come to mean; out of reach, out of town, out of the office?

No kidding, I thought I was just hanging out with a large number of people who didn't know the correct use of the expresssion, but I guess I'm the one not in the loop. How does the meaning of something like this get changed?

In college, we would frequently change the meaning of words to suit ourselves. My boyfriend and his housemates used the word "houl" to refer to partying. It actually originated as a hockey player's last name, as in "Houl shoots; he scores!!!" Somehow he and his friends co opted it to mean something completely different. (and it could be a noun or a verb, as in "I got houled last night." or "We're having a houlathon.") This same boyfriend called an angry mood, a "1947 huff". If I remember correctly, that one had something to do with the huffy bicycle... But hey, these examples are only used among a small group of people, not an entire population. And they're pretty ridiculous to boot. How does a phrase like, "Out of pocket" change meaning with no one objecting, no one saying, "I think what you meant to say was..."?

Any ideas? Examples of your own? I'd love to hear them.

networking; a breeze for the "new kid"

2011-03-31T10:13:00.000-07:00

When I was growing up we moved 15 times in 16 years, and no my father was not in the military. (it's a long boring story.) We lived in 7 different states. Twice we moved in the middle of a school year. Once we moved while I was at camp; I left for camp from our house in Pittsburgh and came "home" to a house in Birmingham Michigan.
You might think all that moving was a burden; it certainly was to our mother, who bore it all with calm and grace. For us, it was normal and,to us, exciting. As my mom unpacked moving boxes she would send me and my younger sister and brother out into the neighborhood to find kids our age to play with. I was the spokesperson, but all three of us became adept at meeting and getting to know people, over and over and over.
Flash forward a few (ahem) decades, and the three of us are grown (double ahem) and in the business world. For us, networking is alot like being the new kid. We are accustomed to walking into a room full of people we don't know. We learned very early on the importance of observing, asking questions, really listening to the answers, getting to know just a few people at first, and then building out from there.
In many ways, people are people be they 5 or 45. We all feel a little intimidated being the "new kid". But if we allow ourselves we can feel the excitement of meeting and forming relationships with new people; hearing their stories and learning about their lives. Letting them know about us and sharing our experiences.
One thing the three of us knew; friendships didn't happen overnight. They took time and energy, and lots and lots of paying attention. The same is true of successful networking. The good news is, now the three of us (although spread out over the country) have stayed put. As adults we've had the great gift of creating and nurturing relationships that will last a lifetime. Although, as eager networkers, we still get that "new kid" experience again and again.

the beauty of the 180 degree turn

2011-03-30T10:17:00.000-07:00

One of my "bespeakisms" is "Turn your focus 180 degrees." By this I mean to urge you, the presenter, to focus on the audience rather than on yourself. Over the years I've found that in addition to being beneficial to the audience, it also greatly benefits the presenter; particularly the nervous presenter.

A few weeks ago I had the opportunity to help a client improve her facilitation skills. As we talked over the phone and met in person she described her excruciating preoccupation with herself, her mannerisms, her eye contact (or lack thereof) and her overwhelming feeling of being, well, overwhelmed while facilitating a workshop. This kind of confession is at once heartbreaking and heartening to me; heartbreaking because I hate to see and hear people experiencing that kind of thing, and heartening because I knew I could help.

The first thing I did was to assure her that facilitating a workshop takes practice and skill. It is not something any of us are born knowing how to do. The next thing we did was to talk about her audience, who they were and, more importantly, what they were feeling about the workshop.
As we talked, it became clear that as scared as she was, her attendees were coming to this workshop even more scared. They were about to learn the results of surveys given to their teams, their peers, and their supervisors. It would be my client's job to create a safe, reassuring atmosphere right off the bat, so that the attendees could not only know how to interpret these results, but begin thinking of how they would use it to create action plans for themselves.

Once she realized what her audience was feeling, she stopped thinking about herself. Eye contact became a necessity, something she understood the importance of and worked hard to practice. Her empathy and care about her attendees completely overtook her thoughts of herself and in the short time we spent together she became a sincere, commanding facilitator.

Her supervisor wrote me that she'd "got her mojo back". Interestingly, it snuck up on her when she wasn't looking. She was too busy focusing on her audience; a focus turned 180 degrees.

Want an idea of what you really look like as a speaker? Hit the "mute" button

2011-02-25T08:39:00.000-08:00

I just finished evaluating one of my very favorite clients. This is a super smart guy (not to be confused with a super smartypants guy; yuck.) with whom I've worked on developing some pretty high stakes presentations. This time, as luck would have it, his presentation was posted on youtube within 24 hours after he gave it. This gave us the oppportunity to evaluate his delivery.

The first thing I noticed, like immediately, was that he wasn't smiling. At all. Despite the fact that I'd SPECIFICALLY instructed him to smile when we'd prepped for the speech the day before. Now keep in mind this is a guy with a great sense of humor who I can hear smiling ON THE PHONE. ay yi yi.

From a content perspective, he hit it pretty much out of the park. He had an incredibly tight time frame, (7 minutes) and an important message, and he pulled it off beautifully. Not only did he make his planned points, he tied them in with what had been said before he spoke. Genius. Content wise, me happy. Delivery wise, not so much.

To make my point LOUD AND CLEAR (I'm a pretty petite person, but I make up for it hitting people over the head metaphorically speaking.) I advised him to watch the video of himself without the sound. Doing that he would see immediately what I was missing in his delivery.

Try it yourself. I guarantee it'll give you a whole different perspective on your presentation. And please, I beg you, don't forget to SMILE.

it's always the people

2011-02-15T09:07:00.000-08:00

I was very fortunate to attend the Rethink Forum yesterday at the Sentry Center in NYC. The whole event was absolutely first rate and first class. The food was beautiful, delicious and plentiful. The personalization of everything from name badges to netbooks to programs was amazing and the technology involved was astonishing. This was a forum to rethink events, meetings and conferences and it was attended by about 300 people globally. The NYC speakers were streaming live to Paris, Copenhagen and Minnesota in addition to individuals who were logged in remotely at their own locations. The agenda for this half day event was ambitious (my head was spinning a little by the end, but I'm not a techie) there were cameras, video cameras, sound boards, three screens, a control booth... you name it, they had it, knew how to use it and did.
Yet with all of the fabulous innovation, inspiration and overall WOWness, the best part of the day for me was, (drum roll please) the people I met. From Ann and Rea, the masterminds behind LilyGild, a meeting and event company, to Michelle Alexander from Fundtech,a global solutions technology company, to my host Karan Spanard planning genius of Maryada Strategies, I loved getting to meet and talk to people in businesses related and unrelated to my own who had great things to say about the day, their work, their industry, their clients, and their worlds.
The hosts of the Rethink Forum absolutely gave me plenty to think about, but it was the people I met that made my day.

give 'em the "why"

2011-02-10T09:34:00.000-08:00

How many people reading this floss their teeth on a regular basis? Most people don’t. They know a generic “they” “should”, but they really don’t understand the benefit of flossing, so they skip it. I floss every single day. You know why? A million years ago, when I was about 24 my dentist said to me, “Debbie, you need to take care of your gums. We can always replace a tooth, but if your gums go, there’s nothing protecting your teeth, no way to anchor a bridge, you’re sunk.” I like my teeth, I need my teeth, and if one or two has to go, I want to know they can put in a reasonable facsimile, so I floss.

Sometimes in a persuasive presentation, we must provide the audience with the "why". Your product or service absolutely solves a problem for them, but it's a problem they don't know they have. If you explain to them first what their problem is, or could be, you've got them eating out of your hand when you get to proposing your solution. Not only that, they're grateful to you for seeing the oncoming train which would have nailed them if not for your alerting them. Now they not only see the value in your product or service, they see the value in their relationship with YOU.

Think about that the next time you're preparing a pitch. Oh, and floss everyday too, will ya?

Volkswagen Commercial: The Force: Why is this a great commercial?

2011-02-07T07:20:00.000-08:00

This was by far my favorite commercial from last night's Super Bowl. In fact, I've seen it twice again today and I think I like it better every time. So it gets me thinking, what is it about this ad that's so appealing? I don't think any of us would say it's about the car. Unlike the Chrysler ads, it's not about a city, a life style or a culture. I think it's about something in us. I think it's about the way the ad makes us feel. I think it takes us back to a part of us, or a part of our children that evokes a magical, powerful, anything is possible, I can move mountains (or maybe a golden retriever) kind of feeling. How does that feel? Inside? It's a feeling presenters would be wise to evoke. May the force be with you.

Getting started is the hardest part

2011-02-03T07:22:00.000-08:00

Here in the Northeast we've had snow, snow and more snow. Although you wouldn't know it to look at me, I love getting out there and shoveling. It's a good thing too, because we live at the top of a relatively unforgiving hill with HUGE trees along the driveway. But with the insane amounts of snow we've had this winter even I am finding shoveling a daunting task some days.

Last week, for example, I woke up to over a foot of snow which had drifted on our front stoop and against our storm door. It took brute strength just to make it outside, and then I was standing in snow up to my knees, with no easy place to shovel it to. (there are walls of snow on either side of the driveway literally about 4 feet tall...)

So I began shoveling. What else could I do? I cleared the stoop and the stairs, and then little by little I began clearing the driveway. I had to think strategically; where was I to put this new snow? Where would we need room to maneuver the cars? By the time my son came out to help I'd created enough space for two of us to make even better progress. It took us three hours, but we did it.

The same is true with presentations. Beginning is the hardest part. It feels vast and overwhelming. There's so much to say, so much information to gather, so little time. I think this is why so many presenters simply copy and paste other people's slides and slam together a "presentation" that, when given, feels like a long dark ride on a bumpy road.

A better way would be to sit with a piece of paper and map out the presentation. Think about the presentation's purpose, the audience's problem and how you're solving it. THEN start building. The time you spend thinking will be the most valuable time of all. THAT'S the beginning; hard but necessary.

In praise of words

2011-01-26T08:00:00.000-08:00

"as contentious and frustrating and messy as our democracy can sometimes be, I know there isn't a person here who would trade places with any other nation on Earth."

This was my favorite phrase in last night's State of the Union. Why? Because the words are so great. For one thing, they're plain old garden variety anyone with a seventh grade education can understand them words. For another thing; they're accurate. Certainly when speaking to a room full of public servants. (OK, that moniker may not seem so accurate to you, but I digress.)

I absolutely LOVE words like "messy" in a speech. Messy says something, it's wonderfully descriptive. We ALL know from messy, whether we are messy or not. The word "messy" is not a word typically associated with the pomp and circumstance with our Congress, or the building in which its work is done. Yet when people with strongly held opposing views try and hammer out policies and laws, messy is probably all over the place.

Here's my point: if our president can use a word like "messy" in his most high profile presentation, why can't we? Ditch the five syllable super smarty pants words for your next presentation. Use juicy, real, descriptive ones instead. You'll have the audience eating out of your hand.

carrot! carrot! carrot!

2011-01-23T10:34:00.000-08:00

After reading some of the mini hoopla about the "tiger mom" and her daughter's rebuttal, I came up as I usually do, a big fan of the carrot versus the stick. (the idea that you can get a mule to move faster if you dangle a carrot in front of his nose than if you beat him with a stick.)

The carrot as motivator worked for me as a kid, worked for my own kids and works for audiences as well. Put another way, I believe in inspiration, aspiration over guilt and fear any day of the week. Here's why.

Guilt and fear may move an audience emotionally, but I'm not convinced it will move them literally. Think about it. Too much doom and gloom just makes us feel bad, scared and hopeless. Tell us what we can do to make something better, solve a problem, (and what the happy result will be) and we're up and out the door on our way to ACT.

If we make our kids, or our audience, feel bad about themselves, their situation, their future, how energized are they going to be to move in the direction we want them to go? Plus, how much more will we have to "beat" them to get them there? Yuch.

I say build them up. show them what they can aspire to and why and how they can get there. Then you stand in the background and cheer them on. Remind them of the "payoff" at the finish line. How much better does everyone feel? How much farther, faster, do you think they'll go?

A missed opportunity; Robert De Niro and the Cecli B DeMille Lifetime Acheivement Award

2011-01-17T08:54:00.000-08:00

Watching the Golden Globes last night, I was thrilled to see Robert De Niro given the Cecil B DeMille life time acheivement award and then stunned as I listened to him give his acceptance speech. Didn't hear it? (click here) Worse than him reading it, obviously unrehearsed, from the teleprompter, was what he was reading. The text sounded like a script, written by a "comedy" writer, and not a great one at that. (In fact less than 24 hours later the blogosphere is heating up about a whole bit he did about deportation...totally UNfunny.) Where was the sincerity? Where was the humility? Where was the thanks?

We've all seen Mr. De Niro be very very funny, (Analyze This comes to mind) and a funny comment or two would have been in keeping with the evening and taken the edge off what is typically a very emotional speech. (It's a lifetime acheivement award, for heaven's sake.) What was missing was a glimpse of heartfelt anything, especially gratitude, not only to the Hollywood Foreign Press, but also to those with whom he has made movies and (p.s.) to his family.

I don't have any way of knowing at this posting if the contents of Mr. De Niro's speech were self written or ghost written, but either way he missed an opportunity to show his gratitude.

In my opinion the chance to show your appreciation to your peers, those you love and the world at large is an opportunity not to be missed. These kinds of speeches, when delivered from the heart, are inspiring and moving for the speaker and the audience. Mr. De Niro missed this opportunity last night.

How proud am I?

2010-12-07T08:28:00.000-08:00

Here's a confession:

Every time a client of mine (especially one who's not fond of public speaking) leaves the "nest" of our work together to "fly solo" I hold my breath. Despite the fact that I've been at this for years now, and have yet to have a client so much as falter, I still wait eagerly to hear from them "how it went". Our work together isn't finished until I get the post presentation report.

Enter Eric Russack, senior VP for Guess? Jewelery International. Eric and I worked together on a presentation he was giving at the annual Guess conference of more than a thousand people, on a big stage, with all kinds of fanfare, hoopla, etc. AND this would be Eric's first time in front of this group. AND public speaking is not on Eric's "favorite things" list. Anywhere. At all.

The good news is that we started about 3 months before the scheduled presentation date. More good news is that Eric worked tirelessly on devloping the content, and then practicing it (OUT LOUD, ahem). Still, despite my assurances that he was totally prepared with a compelling message, he was not at all sure he was going to like the experience any better than he ever had in the past. And then he presented.

He sent me a text message letting me know it had gone well. Then we had a more substantive conversation about it when he returned from the conference.

"Next year," he said, "I want to take it to a whole other level. I mean, one of the other presenters was phenomenal, and next year I want to be like her."

THIS from a guy who up til now put public speaking on par with root canals. No kidding. How proud am I? (and look out Guess Conference 2011...)

Mind the gaps

2010-11-17T12:42:00.000-08:00

Coming up on four years of working with folks to enhance their presentations (and thus their result) I'm finding that once we build the thing and run it for the first time we are usually faced with gaps between concepts. Ideas without transitions is another way of putting it. We begin with our introduction and then stumble um and ah, stumble some more, until we stop and figure out how we're getting from the intro to our first big idea. Same thing happens when we go from the first big idea to the second, or even to the first idea supporting the first big idea. yikes.

Sometimes we realize the first big idea doesn't even belong after the intro, it belongs after the second big idea. Every once in a while we take a big deep breath and admit that the first big idea doesn't belong in this presentation! (I'm always glad when the client is the realizer for this one. Of course I'll always tell them if something doesn't belong, but it's better when they tell me first.)

These "gaps" between parts of our presentations are inevitable and important to work through. No matter what we discover, whether it's a transition point or story, moral to the story, whether it's moving things around or taking things out, the key is to do it BEFORE you actually give the presentation. That is unless you like walking a tightrope without a net.

As laborious as it is for my clients to go through their presentation that first time and find and fix these gaps, it's much better than the panic they would feel were they to fall through the gaps in front of a live (gulp) audience.

2010-09-12T10:53:00.000-07:00

For my beloved mother in law; Ann Heath Fay. She died last month after a 2 year battle with ALS. Although her son and I divorced almost a decade ago, she and my father in law and I remained connected. We visited, talked and laughed. When she called to congratulate me on my engagement she said, "No matter who you marry, you'll always be our daughter in law." I will miss her every day.

The Ship

We are standing upon the seashore...A ship spreads her white sails to the morning breeze, and starts for the blue ocean. She is an object of beauty and strength, and I stand and watch her until at length she is only a ribbon of white cloud just where the sea and sky come to mingle with each other.

Then someone at my side says, "There! She's gone!"

Gone where? Gone from my sight, that is all.

She is just as large in mast and hull and spar as she was when she left my side, and just as able to bear her load of living freight to the place of destination...Her diminished size is in me - not in her - and just at the moment when someone at my side says, "There, she's gone!" someone on the Other Side and other voices are ready to take up the glad shout, "There! She comes!"

And that is what we call - dying. Col. David Marcus

business speak = yawn

2010-07-29T10:28:00.000-07:00

Last night I had the opportunity to talk about elevator speeches with some of Hartford's sharpest business women at a meeting for the CT Women's Council. It was a very very short talk, 10 minutes in fact, because the main purpose of this hard working group is to get to know one another socially.

As I went around the room and listened to a few of them try out their newly crafted elevator speeches and the stories that accompanied them, I heard the all too familiar super duper boring "business speak" in which they were (not at all surprisingly) fluent. The worst thing about business speak, even worse than its ability to induce sleep, is its inability to SAY what we really MEAN. One poor woman had written out a paragraph about "stakeholders" and "maximizing ROI" Her title, (which she told me she never tells people because it just confuses them) doesn't even accurately depict what she does, which is to PROBLEM SOLVE. She's really truly a problem solver. How great a job is that??? What's so bad about that for a title? "VP of Problem Solving" (and it sounded like she was really good at it to boot.)

Even my friend Jody Ferrer, who owns The Perfect Promotion, was struggling to talk about what she does. She was mumbling something about "apparel" HUH? How about "I get you in front of your clients and prospects even when you're not there." THAT would get people sitting up and taking notice. Then she could say, "We can put your name and logo on anything; but we don't. We only put your name and logo on things that help illustrate who you are and what you do."

Wouldn't it be great if people started talking about what they DO in ways an eleven year old could understand and BE INTERESTED IN? How about if we could get people to gather up all the business speak words and throw 'em in a big black hole. (along with all the songs that should never be played again, but I digress...)

the beauty of a deadline

2010-07-26T10:41:00.000-07:00

I know, I know, most of us hate deadlines. (I think the word "dead" might have a little to do with this, but still.) But if we're really honest with ourselves we have to admit that deadlines help us GET THINGS DONE. More important, when you know you have a deadline and it's a reasonably distant one (not a "I need this yesterday" one) it helps us GET THINGS DONE RIGHT.

Such is the case for the most successful clients I work with. They know they'll be giving a presentation in three months so they contact me NOW. They don't wait til 5 days before they're to speak to 800 people. They give themselves time to design and develop their presentation and even time to (gasp, no kidding) practice it! Even my most reticent (a polite way of saying they HATE it) speakers are exponentially LESS nervous and thus have an exponentially BETTER experience when they take advantage of their deadline and use it as the impetus to prepare.

For me deadlines give me something to look forward to, something to move toward, a finish line.

And it looks like I'm about to have a BIG one, or a series of small ones. I've met this morning with three very dynamic gentlemen who, if all goes as I think it will, will be instrumental in the publishing of my book about public speaking! Stay tuned.

archives of bespeak's newsletters now available here

2010-07-23T12:00:00.000-07:00

http://archive.constantcontact.com/fs025/1101677651053/archive/1103577785666.html

The amazing power of women

2010-07-15T06:50:00.000-07:00

Sorry guys, it's not that I don't love you (and A LOT), and I'm not saying that there aren't more than a handful of you who have helped me over and over and over, (Marc Tannenbaum, David Roth and Michael "the saint" Grimes come to mind immediately) but this past week I've been struck by the resilience, brilliance, and enormous generosity of spirit of women.

Where to begin? Karan Spanard is a consultant for BNY Mellon Bank and contacted me a few months ago about working with a few of their presenters for the upcoming SIBOS conference in Amsterdam. The referral itself would have been enough, but she has shepherded me through the process in such an amazing giving way. Thank you and thank you and thank you can never be enough.

I attended one of Jane Pollak's "Remarkable Women" events last week and was blown away by every woman's eagerness to really LISTEN and offer positive, supportive suggestions. Looking around the room I could see in each of the women's faces an openness, an intense interest. Jane set the stage perfectly (and being surrounded by gorgeous Eileen Fisher clothing didn't hurt either). It was a magical night.

On Tuesday of this week I had lunch with Jody Ferrer uber-connector and owner of The Perfect Promotion. She invited Jessica from co-communications, whom I've been wanting to meet for almost a year now. Jessica, without even having met me, connected me with Execsense, a company in San Francisco for whom I've been doing webinars. In the short space of an hour we had solved (minor) issues for Jody, talked about all kinds of connections we can make for one another, sprinkled with hilarious stories about our kids and significant others.

After lunch I sat down with Marjorie Luke, president of the West Hartford Chamber of Commerce and talked about terrific speakers for her "Women who mean Business" speaker series. Heidi Michaels, a life and sports coach, and Lisa Wexler, a TOP radio personality came immediately to mind, as did my dear friend Dale Allen. So charged up was I after telling Marjorie about these women I don't even remember the drive home.

Brava! Ladies. Thank you ALL for energizing, inspiring and coming to my aid me every single day.

getting OUT

2010-06-08T07:01:00.000-07:00

Having moved every year of my life as a kid ( no my dad was not in the military; it's a long boring story...) I am pretty comfortable in a room full of strangers, and I really like networking events. In fact, networking and speaking are the two main marketing methods I've used to build my business. They've worked so well that until last night I've been too busy with clients to attend any networking events this year. Last night reminded me why I love networking and why it's so important.

When you're in business for yourself it can be really lonely. When I'm panicking about something I'm doing it alone, and when something great happens I'm jumping up and down in my office alone. Neither one feels as bad or good as it would were I sharing the feeling with someone else. Unfortunately, as a "solo-preneur" you can feel like you're all BY yourself ; you forget that there are all kinds of great people out there just like you.

Last night I attended the Entrepreneurial Women's Network's Grand Networking event, and did just that. What a great night! I connected with friends and colleagues from Jessica Bram to Gillian Anderson to Jane Pollak to Peggy Garbus. I saw current and former clients like Rita Smircich and Dr. Ann Abram and Maryann Donovan and the"glitter fairy" Laurie Davis. I met interesting dynamic women like Holly Hurd and Bonnie Marcus (the evening's honoree). Rather than coming home tired I came home energized and inspired. Busy or no, I absolutely will not let months go by before my next outing. Getting OUT is absolutely a MUST for an extrovert solo-preneur like me.

Who wants a flawless diamond?

2010-04-15T10:19:00.000-07:00

Recently I've been researching diamonds; the serious ones that adorn engagement rings. Learning about the 3 C's; color cut and clarity, and all the ways that diamonds are "graded". The idea is to own a diamond with as few flaws as possible. As close to "flawless" as you can get is the goal.

I'm thinkin' ,"Why would I want a flawless diamond?" I'm flawed. The magic of finding the person you belong with, the person you want to spend your life with, is that they don't mind your flaws. In fact, if you're really really lucky they may even LIKE your flaws. And you feel the same way about their flaws.

We are all flawed. Every one of us. I think that's what MAKES us beautiful. Certainly loving one another, flaws and all, is what makes love beautiful. Why not have a diamond that mirrors that?

p.s. I am now the proud proud owner and wearer of a flawed and beautiful diamond. Mounted on an engagement ring. Given to me by the love of my life, who loves me flaws and all.

what makes me de-loyal

2010-01-26T15:36:00.000-08:00

This past Saturday, while running mindless errands I found myself devastated by a company to whom I have been a loyal customer for the past three decades. Well, actually I was devastated by a sister company of the one to whom I've been loyal.

I went to Banana Republic, the swanky sexy younger sibling of the GAP, to return two blouses I'd bought during the holidays. Standing at the register, confident that the return was merely a formality, (and with two pairs of pants in my arms to try on) I was informed by the woman behind the counter that I had purchased the blouses more than 30 days before and thus they were unreturnable. Period. No store credit (and i had paid for them with my beloved Banana Republic card) no nothin'. I was stuck with them. For life. After 30 days.

Stunned and incredulous I left the store, (after having deposited the pants I was about to try on at some display on my way out). For a solid hour I went about my other errands shaking my head and muttering, "I can't believe it." I worked at the Gap in the early 90s when my kids were tiny, and I remember a day someone came in and returned a pair of jeans he'd bought a YEAR before, but he had his receipt and we gave him his refund. 30 days???? are you kidding me???? during the holidays???

Almost a week later I am still shaken. My beloved GAP may very well become "dead to me now" as my Italian neighbor refers to those who've displeased him. For the life of me I can't figure out who in their right mind thought this would be a savvy business move. Why would I ever ever buy a gift for anyone there? If the recipient has a normal busy life (ahem) he or she may not be able to get to the store in 30 days. Certainly this aggressive return policy will not encourage any new customers to try their stuff. The penalty's too great.

I can only hope that within a very short time the powers that be at GAP Inc. will realize the error of their ways and change this woeful policy. Then maybe we can get back together. For the moment though, they're dead to me.

gratitude is IN at the Golden Globes

2010-01-18T13:32:00.001-08:00

Watching the Golden Globes last night I was happily struck by the overwhelming gratitude of the winners. To a man (and woman) each winner expressed true heartfelt appreciation for not only the Hollywood Foreign Press Association, but for their producers, directors, fellow castmates and crew, their families and their work.

I think maybe a silver lining in the challenging economy of the last year and a half or so is that people are taking stock of what they do have and giving thanks. Having work and work that you love and are rewarded for doing is truly something worth cherishing. (and don't I know it.)

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know; this is Hollywood and these are actors for crying out loud (I may be a HUMONGOUS Pollyanna but I hang out with a couple stark realists; you know who you are.) Still, gratitude it gratitude and I don't think theirs was manufactured of misplaced. And I, for one, found it utterly heartwarming.

do one thing

2009-12-02T06:56:00.000-08:00

Today I celebrate having graduated from Jane Pollak's 6 month private coaching program. To say it has been life changing would be an understatement. I have truly shifted, reframed, and moved forward in GIANT STEPS in every aspect of my life. One of the biggest things I got from my coaching experience was the idea of "doing one thing". As an entrepreneur and single mother of three I was feeling overwhelmed at best and undone at worst by the mass and scope of some of the items on my "to do" list. we all have things we are better and worse at, and I, like most people, put off doing the things on the "worse at" list. Of course these are the very same things that have me up at three in the morning.
Jane helped me see that I only needed to tackle ONE thing a day; not the whole ginormous thing. One thing I could handle. One thing was doable. And even better, once I did the one thing I could feel GOOD about myself for the rest of the day instead of kicking myself around the block.
Amazingly, this whole DO ONE THING campaign has helped me make BIG strides in checking things off my "worse at" list. And I'm getting more sleep to boot.

Audience Abuse: Step away from the audience until you have a well conceived presentation, and no one will get hurt

2009-11-10T08:30:00.001-08:00

Maybe I've been at this whole presentations thing too long, (very doubtful) but last week I lost it. As Popeye said, "I had all I can stands, and I can't stands no more." I told a presenter that her presentation as it stood (not her delivery; the content) was a clear example of Audience Abuse. Strong language, yes. But as a service to poor unsuspecting audiences everywhere, I felt I had to be as blunt and straightforward as possible.

What constitutes audience abuse? For starters, telling an audience you're going to speak for 20 minutes and then speaking for four times that. Not having a clear cut point, path, beginning, middle or end. Not having 3-5 (ONLY) important points and then making them clearly and compellingly. Not discerning the difference between "need to know" and "nice to know". Not reading the looks on the audiences faces to see that they have indeed had all they can stand.

Please, please, please; I beg of you. DO NOT get in front of anyone, even your kids, your dog, or your kids' stuffed animals, before you have figured these things out. Audiences are trusting us to value their time and attention. In fact, that's the least we can do as presenters. Ideally we want to give them HUGE HUGE value in the time they've given us. We need to honor them and their time and attention by planning and preparing with only one thing in mind; THEM. Neglecting them, failing to prepare, regurgitating old, boring, ill-conceived, irrelevant to them information is nothing short of abusive.

speaking on the spot

2009-10-22T11:05:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was a big big day for me. Thanks to my new friend and excellent speaker, Duane Cashin, I was a breakout speaker at the NYC EXPO for Business, which was held at the Jacob Javitz Center. Although I've lived on the East Coast for 20 some years now, this was my first time in the Javitz Center. The whole day was a thrill. Well, actually, a thrill and a half.

As I was waiting for Duane's presentation to begin, at about 11:00, Mark Sherrer, the President of Event Management, and mastermind of this humongous event, approaches me and asks me if I can fill in for a presenter who's fallen ill and was to present in the afternoon. "You mean give my presentation twice? I'd love to!" "No," he said, "You'll have to give the scheduled presentation which is.... Let's see... Oh, "Marketing and Advertising on a Budget." "You're kidding me, right?" was my immediate and out-loud reply. The dead serious look on his face let me know he was in fact not kidding me. "Honestly Mark, I know nothing about marketing and advertising."
Thankfully, just then Bill Kenny, events manager at the Hartford Business Journal stepped in. "Yes you do, Debbie. You have a website, and a blog, and you do presentations and networking..." "WOW!" I said, "He's right! Yes, I'm a small business owner and I know all that stuff, particularly how to do it on a tight budget. I'm in."

Now came the hard part. I had two hours to design and develop a presentation. Those of you who know my schtick will be happy to know that I adhered to all of my own rules; especially the rule of threes. I grouped the kinds of marketing into three groups, free or almost free, worth spending money on, and hey, you never know. Having structured my presentation this way, I had only to put flesh on the bones and then think of a gripping opening and tie-up closing.

I loved delivering it; it enabled me to share with new business owners my own experience as a start-up. And it gave me the opportunity to see what my clients feel like when they're under the gun. A win win win.

silence: a speaker's most valuable tool

2009-10-10T07:36:00.000-07:00

I'm sure we can all agree that peppering our speech with "um" and "ah", "you know" and "I mean" only serves as a distraction to our audience. I would add that listening to a message littered with these pointless sounds forces the listener to work much much harder. He or she must sift out all of these sounds to get to the real, useful words, and then string them together, make sentences and thus make meaning out of what the speaker is saying. Whew! That's a lot of work. Instead of filling time with these worthless space fillers, how about just allowing there to be silence instead?

C'mon. What are you afraid of? I'll tell you what you're afraid of. You're terrified that if there's 5 seconds of silence the audience will get restless, or think you've lost your train of thought, or maybe someone else will start talking (OK, if you're having dinner at my house, that last one may happen. We've all got a lot to say around here.) The reality is that silence is a GIFT to your audience. It takes a great deal of mental effort to keep up with what a speaker is saying, even a speaker who's not peppering his sentences with ums and ahs. When you give your audience a moment of silence, you're actually giving them a chance to catch up. It's time that enables them to organize what you've said, and prepare for what's coming next. How could that be a bad thing?
In fact, when you stop speaking for 5 seconds an amazing thing happens; you get the audience's FULL attention. They look up because there's a LACK of sound coming from you. Honest to Pete.

So if we know that silence is a really useful powerful tool, how can we use it to enhance our presentations? Here's one way. The next time you're presenting, when you get to something you're about to say that's really important, try doing it like this; Say to your audience, "I'm about to tell you something really important." Don't make them read your mind or guess what's really important; TELL them! Let them know you're about to tell them something really important and then PAUSE. Let there be silence. Then say the really important thing. (And I like to say it at a little softer volume to add impact, although NEVER so quietly that the audience has to strain to hear me. Nothing will make an audience madder faster than having to strain to hear a speaker.) Pause. Repeat the really important thing. Pause again. Step back, and move on. Your use of silence before, during and after the telling of the really important thing allows your audience the opportunity to digest it. To let it sink in. Even to repeat it to themselves in their own heads. All in all, it's a really important gift to them.

Silence is also a great tool when the audience is laughing, or engaging in cross talk. Rather than shouting over them, just smile and remain silent until the room settles down. (You never want to shout over an audience that's laughing. If you shout over an audience that's laughing they'll stop laughing because they'll be afraid they're going to miss something funny.)

For those of you who are ummers and ahhers, here's my advice. Start TODAY right this minute, paying attention to what's coming out of your mouth. Not the next thing you're going to say, or how the person you're talking to is going to respond; concentrate on the words and sounds coming out of your mouth in real time. Catch yourself before the non-word can escape. Be silent instead. You can do it. I have every faith in you. You'll be an exponentially better speaker in no time. As will those of you who use silence to present your really important thing, or to help quiet a chatty or laughing audience. Oh, and not only will you be a more effective speaker; you'll be heard.

10 biggest mistakes presenters make; #10

2009-10-02T06:02:00.000-07:00

Having illustrated these top 1o at the 2009 Business Women's Forum in Hartford CT (an event not to be missed for 2010) I thought I'd offer them here as well. We'll start with the least egregious and move to the most detrimental. Ready? Here goes.

#10 Being a Stranger in a Strange Land

Dashing into the site of your presentation 15 minutes before you're scheduled to go on is NEVER a good idea. You look flustered, out of place, unsettled, etc. You've not given yourself time to get acclimated to your surroundings or (more importantly) your audience and it shows. Talk about starting off on the wrong foot.

You should arrive to the site of your presentation at least 30 minutes early. Stand where you'll be standing to present. If you'll be using a microphone, test it out. Sit in a few different spots around the room to get a feel for what the audience will be seeing.

If you are one of many speakers at a conference, I suggest arriving about 2 hours early, if not the night before. Why? because a speaker scheduled to present before you may not show, or may go shorter than expected. He or she may touch on something related to your presentation, or may (heaven forbid) talk about something you'd planned on addressing.

If you are a nervous speaker, getting there early will help you tremendously. Greet a few of the audience members as they arrive. Get to know them a little bit. They will become your instant fan club. Having met you, they'll now feel that they "know" you. As you stand up to speak, they'll be smiling at you, silently cheering you on.

Get there early. Get acclimated, get comfortable, get fans. be heard.

REAL customer service starts before they're even a customer

2009-09-08T12:42:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago I was desperate to get my 3 kids on an earlier flight to Cleveland Ohio. For the first time ever, I had booked us on a PM flight thinking I was booking us on an AM flight. As the weeks before the trip ticked by, I became more and more anxious about my odds of them going standby on an earlier flight.

The day before the trip, I called American Airlines, inquiring about the available seats on the earlier flights, and what it would cost to change my kids' tickets. While there were seats available, the cost of the change was prohibitive; over $2,000 for the 3 tickets. Desperate, I called the Warren Travel Group (www.warrentravel.com ). I have never used this agency for travel, but I had met the owner a few days before at a networking event, and she'd impressed me. Boy was my initial impression right on.

A woman answered the phone on the second ring, politely informed me that Karen (the owner) had stepped out for a moment, and offered to help me. At about 190 miles an hour I explained my dilemma. She checked the flights, informed me that there were in fact plenty of seats still available, and then told me about an airline policy that would save me BIG bucks. I had only to call the airline within 12 hours of the upcoming flight and ask for a guaranteed change of flight at a cost of $50! "The airlines don't advertise this." she said, "and not all of them do it. But I know American does."

Sure enough, 12 hours before my desired flight, I called American and secured seats for my kids for $50 each. How great was that???

I am now a customer of the Warren Travel Group for life. They provided me excellent customer service before I was even a customer!

The beach awaits

2009-07-22T05:41:00.000-07:00

At my Tuesday morning networking group's evening event last night I noticed two big common denominators;

1.) everone was saying business was slow, and

2.) everyone was tan

No kidding. Even folks I had never before seen with anything resembling a little sunburn were beautifully brown. Here's what I'm thinkin'; this slowdown in business has been a great gift to those of us who know opportunity when we see it. We know that come September things will be slammin' busy, and we're taking advantage of these lazy days and precious gorgeous sunshine. (And a solid month of rain in June makes the sun even more irresistable.)

So slather on the sunscreen and get outside!! Before you know it, we'll be looking at Fall...

Fear and dissapointment; we are all our own worst critics.

2009-07-13T06:01:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I had a chance to audition for a band. The drummer sent me a list of songs in advance, which I loaded on my shuffle, listened to, learned and practiced. I had the to-be-expected butterflies all day yesterday, but I've auditioned dozens of times, and usually my performance exceeds my practice. Not so yesterday. Granted, some of the songs were outside my vocal range, others outside my comfort range, but still it was a humbling experience.

It makes me think of some of my clients and their fear of public speaking and feelings of inadequacy about their own presentations. Do they feel like they're not measuring up, despite lots of positive feedback? Who's view is more accurate, the presenter's or the audience's?

I'm giving my performance yesterday a "C". For a life long ham, that's a dissapointing grade. I'll give it lots more practice and look into getting some help. And be way more sensitive to my clients' impressions of their presentation performance. I'll also try and measure the opinions of the other band members against my own assessment. We are, after all, our own worst critics.

conquering fear of public speaking: take a cure from a ham

2009-06-30T09:59:00.000-07:00

Here's the reason "hams" don't typically suffer from fear of public speaking. We've always had an audience orientation - or more accurately - audience stalker-like obsession.

We're not afraid to get up in front of an audience because we're madly in love with the audience, any audience, and we're desperate for them to love us back. It's really that simple. We can't waste time or energy being nervous wrecks; that's our audience out there; we've gotta get on out there, start loving them and squeezin' the love out of them back. That's what energizes us, that's what we live and breathe for.

We're sort of nervous and fearful that maybe they won't like us, which would be a fate worse than death. Seriously.

So to avoid this too-horrible-to-even-think-about eventuality we;

1.) Gear anything we're doing in front of our beloved audience for their maximum satisfaction

2.) Practice like crazy, and

3.) Closely monitor them as we're giving our presentations to gauge their reaction and adjust accordingly.

It's a win-win. To paraphrase Roxy Hart in Chicago we're lovin' the audience and they're lovin' us for lovin' them and we're lovin them for lovin' us lovin' them.

Think about your affection for your audience the next time you plan and deliver your presentation. Just try lovin' them enough to think about what they want to hear, practice like crazy, and watch them like a hawk as you present and adjust accordingly. i guarantee you'll be lovin' it and you'll be heard,

the bliss in asking for help

2009-03-26T13:15:00.000-07:00

Another confession: I'm a real do-it-myself-er. I mow my own lawn, rake my own leaves, shovel my own snow, clean my own house. When we renovated one of our bathrooms, I did the demo work myself. Smashing through walls with a hammer gave me LOTS of pleasure. Likewise, raking and shoveling and mowing. House cleaning; not so much.

But lately, and honestly for a long time now, I've had the nagging knowledge that I need help with my business. I've reached a certain level and I want to go higher, can go higher, need to go higher. But some days (today being one) I feel like I'm walking in circles, confused and anxious, swearing under my breath. "I'm alone! I need help!" my mind wails to itself. "But we don't do that." the stubborn part of my brain says, "We keep plugging away til we get it right. C'mon. You're the queen of energy. Keep going long enough, you're bound to get there."

Probably true. But today I realized I don't want to keep going alone pushing and pushing until I get it right. I want to get help from someone I respect and trust. Someone who's way ahead of me, and has made a career out of helping people like me get there too.

So, I took a deep breath and reached out. I wrote the email, pleading for help and clicked send. I've gotta tell ya; I feel better already. In fact, I feel like I just made a really important step toward getting where I want to go. I'll keep you posted.

Help! My attitude's fallen and it can't get up

2009-02-19T15:26:00.000-08:00

Ask my sister, my brother, heck anyone who knows me. I am the eternal Pollyanna. Gullible some would say. Lord knows I've found myself in a pickle or two because of my eternally optimistic outlook. Pragmatic is not the first word that comes to people's minds when describing me. "always smiling" would be more like it. but now, I'm horrified to say, my attitude has fallen and it's struggling to get up.

I vowed yesterday to stop watching the news. This will probably take a 12 step program because i was mainlining CNN and MSNBC during the election. NO more. These guys are total doom and gloom; yesterday I considered just napping all day; maybe catching episodes of "The Girls Next Door". Why bother working? According to the Washington Post (as gleefully displayed on Morning Joe) we're on edge of a total economic melt-down, catastrophe, apocalypse, Sodom and Gomorrah... you get the picture. ay yi yi. gimme my mommy, and throw in some twinkies while you're at it.

Well, now I'm amusing myself. totally. oops, there's a smile. And I confess, I worked yesterday, and today and I have a full day tomorrow... If I try really really hard, I can draw on the place in my brain that reminds me that this is AMERICA. The country people came to on ships, sleeping among livestock and strangers, in stormy seas, bringing barely ANY of their beloved "stuff". This is what this country is made of. It's made of US.

I'm an optimist because I was totally purely randomly lucky enough to be born HERE. Uh oh, my positive attitude, Pollyanna, sunny disposition's knocking. gotta go let it in.

Yesterday I met with one of the women I'd offered a free 45 minute consult, and we were discussing the nervous symptoms she experienced whenever she spoke to large groups. Although there are numerous theories about why we experience these things (sweating, heart pounding, knocking knees, etc.) - the most common idea is that it's perfectly normal adrenaline that some of us who love the spotlight interpret as a rush and others of us who would just as soon remain in the "shade" interpret as fear.

I think the experience is profound and physical for all of us, especially in this technologically advanced era, because when we stand up to speak we are totally unequivocally physically there. We're not coming in via phone, or email - all eyes are focused on US. We know it, and it's unnerving. I think the fact that we are, by virtue of standing in front of these people, asking for their undivided attention calls into play our own ego issues. Do we really want their undivided attention? Do we deserve it? Do we like it? If we think the answers to these questions are "no" then we're a big ol' bag of nerves. If, on the other hand, we KNOW the answers to these questions are a resounding YES, we're a gigantic bundle of "let me at 'em".

If we know we've developed a presentation with our audience in mind, we know we're about to address some pressing issue, problem or concern, we know we're then going to provide them with a bullet-proof solution, what's to be nervous about? They need what we're there to tell them. We absolutely want their undivided attention. We absolultely deserve it, and (believe it or not) we will like having it. Now the physical symptoms we feel are more like the rush than the fear. It's all in the focus.

action: the antidote to fear

2009-01-29T12:54:00.000-08:00

I, like most people over 20, have been up nights lately worrying about the economy. What if the housing market really does crumble? What if more and more and more people lose their jobs until everyone is sitting at home with a bag of Oreos or Ritz Crackers or Ruffles staring at the TV? What if no one every hires me again and I pinch every last penny and still can't make ends meet? What if we're heading toward something like, "Children of God?" (God Forbid.) As I'm sure you've figured out by now I have a.) a BIG creative catastrophising-type mind and b.) had very little sleep in the recent past.

I am finding that this kind of fear can be paralyzing. It's a good thing for me to experience, because I coach people all day long who have a paralyzing fear of public speaking.

Anyway, today I had had all I could stand of standing still, so I picked up the 500 lb phone and started (gulp) calling people. Guess what? Not only were they happy to hear from me, they were eager to meet with me. SUNSHINE!! A new day! And I am a new (and not even so tired) woman.

It's not a beauty pageant, or a fashion show

2009-01-26T14:32:00.000-08:00

A few nights ago I went out into the freezing cold to hear National Managing Director of Bernstein Financial, Richard Abramson, speak about the state of the markets. Like most of us, I'm not a big fan of venturing out, about 30 minutes down the highway on a weeknight when I could be in my sweats curled up on the couch watching TV. But, like most of us, I've lost some sleep over the economy and I was hoping this guy could provide some insight. (I should also say here that the whole left side of my brain, the numbers side, limps along at best, but I am determined to be a better informed grown-up.)

I arrived about 20 minutes late, and went right up to the front. If there was valuable information to be heard, I wanted to catch every word. A youngish handsome guy was clicking through a pretty typical looking powerpoint presentation extolling the virtues of Bernstein, (which wasn't horrible and was mercifully short) at the conclusion of which he introduced the man we'd all come to hear.

Up to the poduim lumbers this beefy man, wearing what I'm sure was an expensive, but horribly ill-fitting suit, glasses so big they needed their own windshield wipers, fingers like sausages. You get the idea. A candidate for Bay Watch this man was not. But let me tell you, about 5 minutes into his presentation I was positively smitten. This guy could talk, in complete sentences, using compelling language, in a way I could (almost always) follow. Even more engaging was the fact that he was given to using rhetorical questions, self-deprecation and EVERYTHING he said and did telegraphed "This guy's the real deal." At the conclusion of his presentation it was all I could do not to beg him to take my money and invest it.

My point? Don't worry if your suit's too small, your glasses too big, your face and/or body not red-carpet worthy. Your audience doesn't care, and too much caring on your part only leads to preoccupation - on YOUR part, and boredom and disconnection on theirs. Worry instead about your message. Make sure you're communicating it in the best, clearest, most compelling way possible. Put your heart and mind in it. Nobody cares about the rest.

How did Dorothy get back to Kansas?

2008-12-09T13:21:00.000-08:00

A few weeks ago I was a presenter at the CFT (Center for Financial Training) conference in Newport RI, (and what a blast that was). Anyway, I happened to catch the last few minutes of The Wizard of Oz, one of my all time favorites. There was Dorothy, saying goodbye to the Scarecrow, clicking her heals together three times, and waking up in her own black and white life. How did she get there?

Here's a hint. It wasn't the shoes. It was her mind. My friend and business coach Marc Tannenbaum likes to say succeeding in business is a six inch game, it's all between the ears. Boy, is he right.

Dorothy had the power to go home all along. And it wasn't the Ruby Slippers that held the power. It was the six inches between her ears. All she had to do was believe that she could go home, and home she went. And so, I would posit, it is with us and all that we wish to do that we think is undoable.

I listen to people tell me, "I'm a terrible public speaker." and I think,"If you say so." What we believe we make real.

At the moment, we're being told that the economy is bad and it's only going to get worse. Here's what I think. I think we are some of the most creative, resourceful, hard working people on the planet. When we put our minds to something, we are unstoppable.

We rise or we fall. We succeed or we fail. We are good, we are great, we are mediocre. We find our way home. The power isn't in the shoes. It's in us.

go get 'em

The Gift of Public Speaking

2008-09-24T12:45:00.001-07:00

I'm not talking about the gift of being a great speaker, as in the "gift of gab". I'm talking about the gift you are giving your audience when you "give" a presentation. Think about it. If you're doing it right (and if you're not, why do it at all) you've given a great deal of thought to your audience, your main goal, and your content. Then, you've practiced and practiced, edited and edited again (and flossed every day too, right?) until you've got the perfect present, I mean, present-ation. See where I'm going with this?

Your presentation should be a present to your audience, not a method of torture and punishment. After all, what'd they ever do to you? More important, what would you like them to do? I'll bet there is a pay off for you in there somewhere, even if it's a simple as a heart-felt thank you. Give them something to thank you about! Give them the gift of a great present-ation and you'll be heard.

go get 'em.

presenting without fear

2008-09-20T08:47:00.000-07:00

Afraid of public speaking? Congratulations, you've got tons of company. If you think about it, when you're giving a presentation and you're nervous, it's because you're focusing on yourself and the fact that you're standing in front of a group of people who are also focused on you. Then you start focusing on your nervous behaviors and wonder if your audience is focused on them as well. Am I right?

News flash! Your focus is in the WRONG place. I hate to be the one to tell you this, but your presentation has very little to do with you, at least as far as the audience is concerned. It's all about THEM. What are you saying that matters to them? What solutions are you providing to their problems? Are you saying it in a way the can grasp and hold on to? Are you throwing too much at them at once? Are you using words they don't understand? THIS is the stuff they care about. honestly, if your hands shake a little, or your neck gets flushed, or you're sweating , they may or may not notice it but I can pretty much guarantee they're not going to care. (no offense). You only matter to them as far as what you're saying has relevance and importance to them. They're like every 15 year old you've ever known. It's all about them. They know it, and once you know it you'll concentrate your focus where it's supposed to be - on them, and your nerves will take care of themselves.

Go get em.